I remember when she used to make me smile and feel all fuzzy inside. I remember when sitting on that uncomfortable ass bus for 4 hours would all seem like nothing when I saw her. The way she would get out the car, skip over to greet me and kiss me like she hasn’t seen me in months, when it’s only been a week. I remember when she used to make me smile and feel all fuzzy inside. Times have passed and my mood changes around her, and I have tried not to project onto her because I Know I have a tendency to wear my emotions on my sleeve. I’m aware of that. So like anyone else, I would reason with myself, take a look at me first to see if there is something that I was doing wrong. 

She inspired me to write. A woman that can inspire me to create, is a woman of great value. So what changed? Was it me or was it her? To be honest, it doesn’t matter what or who changed, all that matters is where do you put relationship on the? I love me some attention from my partner or anyone who I spend that kind of time with, that’s the only place where it really counts for me. I don’t need to be having sex, I just wanted that attention, the little touch on my ass as you walk by, that hand resting on my thigh wile we drive, or those spooning moments were fingers and bodies interlock. Yea, I love that. What happens when that stops? Does that mean that I still shouldn’t get what I want, should that mean I have given up what I’m looking for? 

Y’all know what I’m talking about, those times when all you need is 5 mins to kiss and hug and do a likkle feel up feel up. I’m a sexual being and when I want intimacy I want it. See I have been in relationships and after the ‘honeymoon’ phase has been spent, that’s when the real relationship actually starts, everything before that was just for fun. Most times, we say we want a relationship and when it’s time to actually have one and work on one, we want to think about only the things that ‘I’ want and not getting what ‘I’ need. That’s not how this works love. See when I made my last commitment, I made a commitment. We were open about what we were looking for, and when I was uncertain about anything, I made that known. I am just discovering myself, so I don’t have all the answers and I was open about that too. This was a commitment, total transparency, scary as hell!

Know this, relationships are hard! Things like this happen and they happen more than once in a relationship, this is where trust and communication becomes essential. Life is hard enough to navigate alone, and you think it is going to get any easier with another person involved? You two can miss each other while standing in the same room. Communication is key. Your relationship and the fuzzy feelings will not always be at the center of the union. Sometimes you both just need some space and that’s ok! Know when to take space.

Relationships are more than good feelings, wearing mathching clothese, going on vacation and good sex. When being done correctly relationships become a business, a well oiled machine. All parties involved have to define their roles and play them well, and if your mind went to heteronomitive, then maybe you might want to think twice about dating. I meant skill, things that will fall on you just because of who you are and what your strengths are. That’s what determines your role in a relationship. Not who is more aggressive, or who is the ‘man’ in the relationship. 

We have to communicate feelings and thoughts on anything that might adversely affect the unit. Anyone can be satified with good sex and good feelings, however, the uncomfortable conversations and the bold unit moves are the things that keep your relationship growing. So when the fuzzy feelings go away, remember the times you both put yourselves on a budget to get them credit cards paid off, and the time you combined credit access to increase each other’s credit , because seeing that 800+ credit score was how you were able to get your home and car at a very low interest rate. Remember the times your partner invested in your dreams, and you invested in theirs. I don’t know about your relationships, but I know that the relationship will not always come first. The fuzzy feelings will go away sometime, because in my relationship, we never stop striving for better from, and for each other. 

I remember when she used to make me smile and feel all fuzzy inside. She inspires me to write, she did then and she still does now. If you can’t hold your partner down when the worst times come, then you don’t need to be with that partner. These kinds of behaviors aren’t things you work on when you get married, you have to show these kinds of behaviors long before vows. For better or for worse. I remember when she used to make me feel fuzzy inside, we’re on the grid right now, laying a solid foundation to not only secure our future but providing opportunities for others to secure their future, the fuzzy feelings are gonna have to wait. I’ll take the affirmations, motivation and the tough love, because we know what we committed to.  

Too often we want to jump out of a relatinship when the steamy sex and the romans is not as firey as it was when the relation was young. Talk is cheap, people talk about all the goals they want in a relationship. In these hard times, remember the goals you set when you started thinking and planning a future together, and if you guys are really open with your communication and are working on these goals, then you’re good. Relationships are complex and dynamic, the individuals involved will have to communicate their wants and needs, also their goals and aspirations as an individual and as a unit. Then each person will have to define and outline their role in the relationship and how their role is going to help in achieving the unit goals. Finally, the people in the relationship will have to know that the relationship will not always come first. Success comes at a cost, what are you willing to pay for it.


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